A Golf Beginner’s Advice to Himself

The Quintero Golf Club (Photo by Justin Hargett)

Eighteen notions gathered from a round played at Arizona’s placid Quintero Golf Club, where the beginner managed to get lost on his way to the fifth hole; drive his golf cart over a curb and lodge it in place; and, thanks to the kindness and generosity of his friends, make a pair of bogies.

—At the first tee, pay no attention to the entire course staring you down like a rabid donkey.

—Count the number of slopes in the fairway and keep your cart clean.

—Certain conditions were designed to make you lose the ball in a thicket; move on.

—Sand in the shoes can be a point of pride.

—No matter what’s happened till now, take a beer.

—Golf is a pendulum sport, so you may as well relax.

—Knees low and look down; ignore the flowers.

—If it feels like the end of the day all day, that’s O.K.

—Never put a success into words.

—Think of the club as your foot and your ball as an eye.

—Better to focus on golf, not your entire life, lest you lose your swing in both realms.

—Lunchtime can wait.

—If you desire to hit the ball in the water, you will; the devil loves a duffer.

—Pretend there’s no horizon.

—Again, move away from feelings of self-satisfaction immediately.

—You are now enrolled in the academy of golf until your final breath.

—Enjoy your time in the bunker and always clean up after yourself.

—If you hear a seagull, you’re probably imagining.

Tags from the story
Written By

Joshua Baldwin is an editor at Eephus. He is the author of The Wilshire Sun, a novella. His writing has appeared in The Paris Review, n+1, The Brooklyn Rail, Chicago Review, Prelude, and elsewhere. He lives in Los Angeles. Reach him at josh@eephusmag.com.

1 Comment

Comments are closed.